Sunday, May 23, 2010

I Am Real

When KaiLi kissed me good night tonight, she hugged me an extra long time, and said, "You're the best mom I ever had... even better than the one who got me out of her tummy." I hugged her tight, and tried to gather my thoughts. She didn't give me long enough and continued on this subject with, "I'll never know my real mom, will I?" Ouch, the first time those words were uttered from her mouth hurt more than I ever imagined it would. I grabbed her little hands, got down on my knees, and explained to her that I am her real mom. I am the one who takes care of her, and loves her with all my heart, and that no matter what anyone says, I am her REAL mother. "Then what do I call that lady in China?" she replied. "You can call her your birthmother," I said. I have always been open with her about her adoption story, and given her as much information as I think she can handle at each stage. I knew eventually I would have to teach her the word "birth mother", even though I'm not a huge fan of it. She accepted this term willingly, and asked me more questions about her story. As always, I answered honestly. I told her that her birthmother must have been a really wonderful person. She asked me why I thought that, and I said, "Because you came from her, and you are a really wonderful person." This made her smile. I really am very thankful for Kai's birthmother. I think of her often, and the hard decision she had to make for Kai. I'm so thankful that she brought this beautiful baby to an orphange, where she knew she would be cared for and hopefully given a second chance at a family. I know this must have been difficult. I don't know, and never will know, the reasons for this decision, but she had other options that absolutely kill me to think about. It was rather risky to bring her to an orphanage, so she must have really loved her and wanted the best for her. I always imagine the day she left her there. I imagine her kissing Kai's fat little cheeks, and crying as she bid this 3-day-old baby a forever farewell. I'm sitting here crying right now thinking about the pain she has to endure for the rest of her life, not knowing what was to come of this child. I often think about what she is missing out on. Kai is the most wonderful daughter I could have ever dreamed of having. I'm just so, so, so thankful that she is mine. DNA or not, I am her REAL mother.

1 comment:

  1. The first time my daughter said this to me, I said in a joking tone, "Am I fake?" When she giggled, and said no. I went on to tell her that she had 2 real moms. Her first mom in China and me. That both of us were real, because her mom in China gave birth to her and I take care of her every day. I want her to know that I am her mom, but also don't want to discount the fact that her first mom is very real too. It is so hard to help our little ones comprehend all the pieces of adoption, especially when people ask them who their "real" mom is.
    Congratulations on your news! It will be fun to plan for a boy:)